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When I was at a festival recently, my hungover friends thought it a wonderful treat to pass around a paper cup of lukewarm strawberry milk to share around the circle one morning. I thought watching the milkily satisfied faces of 10 of my friends as they gulped down the shared teat juice was one of the most disturbing things I had ever seen—until I attended the aforementioned Porno Bootcamp. The faces of five men fapping off in a hot and thickly carpeted room burned those milky moustaches clear from my memory.
Porno Bootcamp is the brainchild of Samantha Mack, a performer and producer and CEO of Mack Models, an adult film agency based in Vancouver. Samantha Mack is like the Yoda of the porn industry. She takes eager amateurs and lends them a (literal) hand in making their moves to a professional career in porn by teaching them the necessary skills.
Like all good business people, Mack saw a problem in the industry and set about to fix it. There was a lack of decent talent (and ejaculate) in Vancouver, and she realized if she needed guys, she would need to train them herself. From the lacklustre pre-existing embers of the professional cocks of Vancouver, Porno Bootcamp rose like a Phoenix from the ashes.
Porno Bootcamp is the male casting couch equivalent. It involves three rounds designed to test the guys’ endurance, stamina, and spurt to see if they’re ready for the big screen. The competition even crowns a winner at the end of it, for the best and most handsome sperm (and for shooting within the allotted time). The winner will then get to film a video with Mack herself.
So who was I before porno Bootcamp? Sometimes I’m not so sure. I remember being happy I think, blissfully unaware of what sperm en masse might smell like, adorably naive about what it might feel like to put my elbow into a pool of lube, and sweetly innocent to what a flaccid penis might sound like in someone’s mouth. A few months ago I had never even heard of Porno Bootcamp, and life was good—but far less interesting.
